


Touching the Void

by Satinalis



Series: At the Void's Edge [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:46:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satinalis/pseuds/Satinalis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the destruction of the Conclave, the Hero of Ferelden rushes to the side of her former lover, Leliana, to lend what support she can. However, due to the political climate, Elissa's presence must remain a trusted secret within the Inquisition lest they bring an additional war on their heads.</p><p>As she investigates Darkspawn Magister Corypheus and the events leading up the horrific destruction of the Temple of Andraste, Elissa is forced to face up to her part in the events shaping the world. </p><p>No one is innocent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touching the Void

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a rewrite of something I began on Fanfiction, with the same name, but decided that I could do much, much better. This is part of a series, the other stories in this series will focus on the love triangle that exists between Elissa Cousland, Alistair and Leliana. So, Consent to Marry is the start of this series, which if you haven't read, you don't need to do so.

The courtyard of Skyhold was full of people. Refugees of Haven and pilgrims from afar converged on the fortress on a daily basis. Leliana rarely ventured down here in the weeks since they had found the fortress. Instead she had been focused on making contact with her agents, making them aware of their situation, and putting out new feelers in anticipation of the next few months. Their focus was solely on Celene Valmont now. Evelyn Trevelyan’s horrific vision of the future had come like a bolt of pain to the stomach. Leliana had returned to the torn pages from a journal the Inquisitor had been able to scavenge from Redcliffe on several occasions. Each time she pored over the pages for a specific reference but to no avail. At long last, she held the answer why in the palm of her hand. 

It was a brass sovereign ring, one such as the nobility used to wax their letters, baring the relief of Andraste’s Grace. It was one of pair given to her by the most beloved of her former lovers. When it had been presented to her, the Hero of Ferelden had told her to use it in a time of need. By the time Leliana contemplated using hers, she already knew Elissa Cousland was long gone. She had left her home in Denerim, left her King and vanished into the wilderness. Elissa did not tell Leliana why she was going, despite her begging the Hero to do so. All she told her was if the worse should happen then the seal that bore Andraste’s Grace would be placed in her hands. Even Alistair had been unusually taciturn on the subject declaring the matter closed to Leliana. However, she had not missed the look of utter devastation in his eyes on the day Elissa slipped away from the Palace so as not to draw attention to her activities. Leliana had tried to place spies on Elissa’s tail but she just vanished; as if she had never existed in the first place. 

Commander Cullen had been the man to deliver the seal by way of a messenger who had stated she would wait. For the first time since discovering Marjoline’s betrayal, Leliana was afraid of what she would discover. Part of her had believed Elissa would live forever, or she would not have to suffer the pain of her loss. It occurred to her what a selfish thought it was. Besides, no matter how Leliana felt, there was a man in Denerim who would be consumed by her loss. Elissa was dearly loved by her King. While their marriage had been a sensible political move, made easier by their friendship and bond as Wardens, Leliana recognised something between Alistair and Elissa that was stronger than her relationship with the same woman had been. Perhaps Elissa had known all along her place was beside him. 

Leliana walked down to the lower courtyard where Cullen worked out of the rundown gatehouse. At present he had a makeshift desk set up besides the stairs while the gatehouse was cleared of rubble. He used some of the rubble as paperweights to hold down his important work – schematics of the building, his men’s movements over southern Thedas and no doubt a flurry of love notes from the women that were losing their hearts to the handsome and enigmatic Commander. Even the Inquisitor seemed taken with him. He looked up as he heard her arrive, giving her a faint smile having recognised her grief when he handed her the ring. She nodded back. 

‘Where is the messenger who brought you this?’ she asked. 

‘She was down by the stables, last I saw,’ Cullen said, walking around his desk to look into the far corner of the courtyard. Then he pointed. ‘Down by the sparring ring, watching the training.’ Leliana looked in the direction the Commander had pointed to where a group of people were watching the fighting. ‘Long red hair, pale coloured shirt.’

Leliana nodded her head in thanks as she started down to the training ring. As she got closer her heart started to pound. The stance was one she recognised to a tee; the line of her body, the radiance of her hair, right down to the curve of her nose. Leliana paused, her hand clenching around the ring again, as the messenger shook out her waist length red hair then brushed it though with her fingers. After a moment, she happened to glance in her direction. There was no mistaking those eyes. Wide emeralds stared at her then full lips curved into a smile. It was a happy expression. 

For her part, Leliana could feel her knees buckle. Her thumb stroked the relief of the seal. She wanted to run forward, but she had a position within the Inquisition to maintain. They could not see their Seneschal rush forward in the manner of a love struck girl. Yet, thankfully, Elissa understood. A similar thing had occurred in Amaranthine after Elissa had taken up the post of Warden Commander and she had been forced to greet Leliana publically. Ordinarily, Elissa would greet her friend in private whenever they met in Denerim. Elissa walked over, straight and tall with her eyes focused on Leliana. When she was close enough, she bowed with her hand over her heart.

‘Lady Nightingale,’ she intoned, ‘a pleasure you could join me.’

Leliana found she was stuck for words. Given she held a token in her hand was supposed to herald her death, Leliana could easily summarise Elissa was here under a cloak of secrecy. She nodded her head. 

‘Lady Liss,’ she replied, using the epithet coined for her in the Blight. ‘It’s an honour to have you grace our humble abode.’

Elissa looked at Leliana, the up at the towering structure of Skyhold. ‘This is considered humble this side of the border?’ she enquired. ‘I think I need to speak with the Palace architect. We’re lagging behind as usual.’

Leliana’s lips curved in a smile as the urge to reach out overwhelmed her. Elissa’s eyes lit up with understanding.

‘Perhaps there is somewhere more private to talk?’ she asked. 

\---……---

Elissa hadn’t exactly been able to walk into Skyhold to declare the Hero of Ferelden wished to talk to the Seneschal of the Inquisition. Any prying ears that were either not within Leliana’s ranks, or where not as faithful to her as they should be, could easily report back her whereabouts. If Orlais discovered she was here, in any capacity and in the current climate, she could spark a cataclysmic war that would devastate Ferelden. Since the Blight, under the careful ruling of Alistair and herself, they had done well in pulling their country from its knees. However all of it could be undone by her presence in Skyhold. Elissa had considered abandoning her plans when she learnt the Inquisition had moved over the Orlesian border after the destruction at Haven. She could have still helped Leliana from Amarantine or Denerim, but she had to look her former lover in the eyes. She had to discover what had become of Leliana in the aftermath of such a horrific event. Her resolve was only strengthened when she heard one terrible word whispered among the fearful Orlesians. Archdemon.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said as they walked up the steps to the upper courtyard. ‘About the ring.’

Leliana waved her off. ‘I am just glad you are here,’ she replied softly.

They walked quickly, but not so fast as to draw attention, up to the rookery. Elissa watched Leliana walk to a small shrine beside a door and offer a prayer. She stroked the ring she wore, the pad of her thumb sliding over the relief of the House of Theirin, as she waited for the Inquisition’s spymaster to speak. Elissa began to walk around the circular room, her eyes moving over the roughly hued stone work, then into the rafters, her head cocking to the side to examine the workmanship. 

‘This is an old castle,’ said Leliana quietly, ‘imbued with many stories.’

Elissa looked across the room at her. ‘It will certainly see some more in the coming months,’ she replied. ‘It is an impressive place to call home. There’s enough room to house an army here.’ 

‘It will be needed after all that has happened,’ said Leliana sadly. ‘The Divine is dead.’

The Hero of Ferelden nodded her head. ‘I heard,’ she replied. ‘I am sorry for your loss.’

‘Thank you,’ said Leliana. ‘She was a dear friend.’

Elissa nodded her head as she looked away. While she considered herself to be a reasonably devout Andrastian, Elissa had borne no love for the now deceased woman. Her interference into Leliana’s life after the Blight had left Elissa with a deep sense of disquiet. It was many of the things she had never been wholly honest about to Leliana. It troubled her as silence fell between them. Elissa wanted to say something, but she had nothing to say. 

‘I looked for you,’ said Leliana, ‘when everything started going wrong. The Divine knew we needed someone to unite Thedas to a common cause, to peace, and who better?’

Elissa looked up heaving a great sigh. Leliana was looking at her with that expected look she occasionally got from people; the look of someone who looked at her as if all they saw was the Hero of Ferelden. Elissa walked over to the desk Leliana sat at and leaned against it, once again looking up into the rafters. 

‘They might still all be alive,’ concluded Leliana. 

Elissa shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, ‘even if I hadn’t left, this is not something I could have led.’ She glanced down at Leliana. ‘I would not have left my place at Alistair’s side to work for the Chantry.’

Leliana’s expression quickly morphed into one of fury. ‘You said if I ever had need of you,’ she said in a dangerous, quiet voice. 

‘What you would have asked of me would not have brought peace to Thedas,’ replied Elissa with conviction. ‘I am not some mythical Hero you can call on in your time of need. The promise was a personal one made to you out of love, not to be abused because the Chantry lost control of everything.’

Her words hung in the air as Elissa looked back to the ceiling. She breathed out slowly. ‘There were so many places this could have been prevented,’ she said in a quiet voice. ‘We’re all complicit in this.’

She had never told anyone of the burden she felt over the destruction of the Chantry in Kirkwall, but her Wardens and Alistair understood. They had all stood beside her in a silent act of solidarity as the world tumbled down around them. Anders had been in the care of Templars when she had found him; surrounded by an escort of dead men he claimed had been slaughtered in a surprise attack at Amaranthine. She couldn’t even remember why she believed him at the time. Maybe she was just grateful to have a mage at her side in the unexpected battle she found herself in. It wasn’t just Anders she was responsible for, but Justice as well. She had taken the spirit under her protection when it had found itself trapped in the body of one of the Wardens from the Orlesian ranks. 

Words spoken to her by a Templar during the Blight rose to her mind. ‘I hope your compassion hasn’t doomed us all.’ She had chewed over those words a lot since the Chantry of Kirkwall fell. She should have hunted Anders down when she discovered he and Justice had merged, but she had talked herself out of it; at first she justified the decision by using Wynne as her example. Then, when she learnt of the destruction wrought by the combined entity when one of her Wardens, Rolan, brought Templars in to rein Anders in, she was fearful of invoking such wrath on more of her men. Even now, although it was nearly ten years ago, she could still recall the acrid stench of charred flesh, burning tress and melted silverite in the woods to the west of Amaranthine. 

‘Why are you here?’

Leliana’s question tugged Elissa out of her terrible memories. She looked down her again. Her blue eyes still swirled with anger. Elissa wondered how many people had looked into her those eyes and been fearful of their life. She had faced down the black eyes of an Archdemon; after just about surviving to tell the tale, it would take more than Leliana to strike the fear of death into her eyes. Leliana knew it as well. 

‘To help,’ she replied. 

‘I thought you would not work for the Chantry?’ asked Leliana. 

Elissa chuckled cynically. ‘As far as I am aware, what remains of the Chantry is united in condemning the Inquisition.’ She raised her eyebrow. ‘Besides, I heard a rumour, repeatedly, spreading like wildfire through Orlais.’

Leliana’s eyes flared with horror, leaving Elissa in no doubt as to whether she had hit her mark. ‘I never thought I would see one again,’ she replied. 

Elissa felt something within her collapse. Horror welled up at the thought of her worse nightmare coming true. It could not be.

‘But we’ve not been able to make contact with any Grey Wardens who can confirm if it is the case.’ Leliana’s expression levelled with Elissa. ‘The ranks of Wardens across Ferelden and Orlais vanished six months ago.’

‘All of them?’ she whispered. 

The reaction was instantaneous; her lungs struggled for air. It could not be so. He wouldn’t have just gone. Not without her. It was as if someone had placed a boulder on her chest. 

‘All bar one,’ clarified Leliana. ‘Alistair has remained in Denerim.’

It took a moment for her to regain her composure, wondering if Leliana had done it to see what her reaction would be. She had been supportive of her decision to marry Alistair to assist his claim to the Throne, but Elissa wondered if other feelings lingered and turned to bitter resentment. Elissa’s happiness in her marriage had not gone unnoticed by Leliana. She wondered how Leliana felt about it all. It was certainly a topic of conversation they skated around during their meetings. 

‘Have you contacted him? He would be able to tell you.’ 

Leliana took a deep breath. Elissa felt her heart sink again. She resigned herself. ‘The Inquisition and Crown of Ferelden are not on the best of terms as yet.’

‘Right,’ replied Elissa, drawing out the word. ‘Dare I ask, or should I leave it for when I am rested and better composed.’ 

‘Composure maybe needed,’ agreed Leliana. ‘For what it is worth, I am sorry.’


End file.
